starlady: Uryuu & Ichigo reenact Scott Pilgrim (that doesn't even rhyme)
[personal profile] starlady
Normally I go in for more serious things during Poetry Month, but [personal profile] recessional posted a stanza from the third part of this poem, and IT IS MADE OF TOO MUCH AWESOME not to share.

So, excerpts from "Beowulf Retold" below the cut, and the full poem here: part 1 | part 2 | part 3

and Hrothgar is like well alright
but you know
you are not the first person to have this idea
shit has been going on for TWELVE YEARS
I cannot emphasize this enough
and beowulf is like BITCH DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
I CAN PUNCH A HORSE SO HARD IT TURNS TO GOLD
AND WHEN I COUGH
KILLER BEES SHOOT OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'M BEOWULF
DO I NEED TO SPELL IT FOR YOU
I HOPE NOT
BECAUSE I NEVER LEARNED TO READ

and Hrothgar is like
well shit
let's party

……

what is it with dragons and treasure
treasure is basically good for 2 things:
buying shit
and christmas gifts
dragons cannot buy things
as they do not have thumbs
and I have yet to meet a dragon that celebrates christmas
they are more into the winter solstice
fucking new-agey wiccan dragons

......

now this would be fine
dragons setting shit on fire is kind of par for the course in old europe
but one of the things this dragon sets on fire
is BEOWULF'S MEADHALL
and beowulf (now like 80 years old)
is left standing in the wreckage (his skin is fire-retardant, remember)
like fuck
where am i supposed to party now?
THAT'S IT
EVERYBODY DIES

part 1 | part 2 | part 3
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