I've been thinking I should make this post for a while

[starlady]

and lately not making it has started to feel like I'm actively lying, so here goes: I'm asexual. It doesn't mean that I am anti-sex or find sex disgusting or that I'm anti-partnership or anti-marriage or that I have no sexual feelings, but it does mean that I've never felt a sexual attraction to anyone. I'm not quite willing to state categorically that I'm aromantic, but I do know that I've never fallen in love with anyone yet. And I do know that these statements most definitely apply only to me, and not categorically to any other asexual people.

I suspect this will not come as a surprise to many people; certainly now that I've been thinking about it actively over the past two years or so, and most especially over the past year, it seems rather blindingly obvious, but at twenty-six I'm not willing to trade on assumptions and other people's tact for my next quarter-century. This is who I am, and that's fine, and being able to say so is honestly something of a relief.

I'm sorry it took me so long to be able to say this, both for myself and for the people around me whom I care about. I thought about locking this post and then I thought that would defeat the purpose, and though I suspect identifying as asexual offline will take time for me to be able to do beyond a few trusted friends and family members, and will eventually confront me with various insulting assumptions, I'd rather take that than the alternative of silence, which hasn't been insult-free thus far anyway. (Note: when I say that, I'm most certainly not talking about people on DW/LJ, or even friends who aren't on the internet! I'm thinking more like my horrible ex-roommate S, whose transparent desperation to know everything about other people's sex lives, and whose assumption that every time I wore a pair of shoes other than sneakers it was so that I could have sex with a guy that night, were as hilarious as they were offensive. And also, in a very backwards way, helped solidify my own certainty about these things.)

So, there it is. One thing that I know held me back from being able to say this definitively is that it is admitting that I'll be living my life, in at least one sense, "alone"--because I've seen enough at this point to know that my mother was right: it is easier to go through life with a partner/s to help you. But on the other hand, I'm not alone, and I never have been, and I won't be in future, and admitting that a door that's always been closed is closed is just acknowledging reality, not changing it.

In conclusion, this fic about Charlie Weasley, awesome ace uncle, by melannen basically seems to sum up my current feelings about the whole thing, as I realized when I read it at last the other day.

Comments

[boundbooks]

Thank you for sharing. You are a cool person, and I always feel honored whenever a fandom person chooses to share a slice of their personal life. :)

(The fic was quite cool, too!)

[lian]

*smiles at you* You are so definitely not alone. Not in this, at least :)

It's funny, it's one more thing that fandom has helped me so much to clarify and affirm positively for myself (even though I'm not hanging out in ace fandom -- I don't see myself map easily or at all on that predominant expression -- but I'm definitely following with interest from the sidelines).

♥

[were_duck]

It makes me really happy you feel comfortable sharing this with us, fwiw. Thank you.

Also, wow your old roommate sounds like a complete dick.

:-)

[elke_tanzer]

:-)

[lilacsigil]

Thanks for sharing! I'm a lesbian, and I hate that feeling of heterosexual (or in your case sexual) by default when really everyone should just keep their assumptions away from everyone else.

[littlebutfierce]

Aw, yay for posting this!

I think DW seems to be a v. asexual-friendly place, which is awesome. I'm sorry you have to deal w/people like your ex-roommate--that's an amazing assumption they made... o_O

[wintercreek]

*loves* I'm glad you were able to make this post; thank you for sharing this about yourself.

[rushthatspeaks]

Very much yay for posting this.

[noldo]

I'm glad you felt able to share this! Thank you for doing so, and I hope that the rest of the world is better to you than awful roommate, seriously WTF.

[(Anonymous)]

You have all my love, seriously. I feel kind of compelled to comment and say so, because I actually only realised I was ace and started identifying as such the Friday before last.

... who knew that physical attraction was really really really not the same thing as sexual attraction and that people actually feel that? (Actually, I'm a very lurky kind of person and you (and the rest of the internet now, I guess) are the first person I've told, even if it's anonymously.) So basically, stars and hearts for this post. <3

[meloukhia]

Slowly turning my dwircle ace, one person at a time...yay! But seriously, I'm glad you feel comfortable talking about it here. ♥

[oliviacirce]

All the love! ♥

I'm gonna go ahead and say congrats for making this post, because coming out (in whatever way) is hard, and complicated, and does take a while; I'm so glad you feel like you can talk about this here.

And no, you're not alone -- in some ways, sure, but not, I think, in the ways that matter the most. For one thing, you are always welcome in Olivia's Future Dream House Full Of Awesome People.

[teigh_corvus]

I must join the chorus of yay! :D
Thank you for sharing this with us.

And thank you for the link.

[the_rck]

Congratulations on coming out! I wish you all the best!

[sasha_feather]

Hey, congratulations on coming out! :D

[juniperphoenix]

Congratulations, and thanks for sharing this with us.

[vito_excalibur]

Congratulations on coming out! I am happy that you feel you can do so, and hope that it is indeed a relief.

[seekingferret]

:) I'm glad you've found an identity you're comfortable with.

[jesse_the_k]

Thanks for sharing this with us, and best wishes.

Oh, also I have an Assumption Assblaster™, low miles, give me your shipping address via PM.

[aruna7]

Thank you for sharing it with us! <3

I'm glad that you were comfortable enough to talk about it. I understand how having to remain silent about one's preferences (no matter what they are) can be tiring, or even draining at times.

I think that fandom/online also helped me understand better who I was (and the last few years have definitely been primordial about that!) and that helped a lot, even though certain things are still not very comfortable for me to speak about. :)

[oyceter]

*hugs* and yay! (And giant booooos to S.)

[karenhealey]

I think it's so awesome that you feel comfortable sharing this. You are absolutely not alone.

(And wow, horrible ex-roomate was HORRIBLE).

[cynthia1960]

Clarity is good. Congratulations on feeling strong enough to speak out.

[ninj]

A little late but...

I think it's wonderful that you feel comfortable enough to share.

People should get to be who they are without judgement of others, and hopefully the world realizes that soon.

[serene]

Thank you for being out about this; more outness about our diversity makes the world a better place. I don't assume people have or want sex just because I do, and I do not understand the insistence on policing people's sexuality or lack of it.